All discipline needs to be non-traumatizing for the parents & kids! First make sure that she is getting a lot of positive attention - follow the 80-20 Rule - 4 good-feeling interventions for every one request, correction or disciplinary statement. Then, try to correct all minor behavioral issues using the CLeaR Method (see Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice or the download on this site called "The CLeaR Method"). I am going to guess that the really unacceptable behavior you are describing only occurs when your daughter is feeling frustrated. Before heading straight off to discipline, you might follow the 5 steps of The Relationship Rule - these teach a child how to maintain polite control even when feeling disappointed, frustrated or otherwise quite upset. The steps both teach and TRAIN the child in how to express frustration in acceptable ways. In the first steps, the parents starts off using Emotional Coaching (explained in the book or on a separate download called "Emotional Coaching"), to name the child's feelings. This emotional acknowledgment calms the child and readies her for actual learning. The 5th step moves on to discipline for tantrums, bad words and acting out as you have described and it is called The 2X-Rule - you can find a separate download for this as well. However, by the time you reach the 5th step the child has actually learned what the alternative desirable behaviors are and how to carry them out. Discipline is simply used to ensure the child uses what she knows if and when she "relapses." So I really prefer that parents slow down and take the time to teach this well because the lesson can last a lifetime. However, if your daughter is quite reactive with explosive tantrums and other forms of drama and hysteria, you might also treat her with Bach Flower Therapy - specifically the flowers Vine and Cherry Plum may be helpful (although a Bach Flower Practitioner can really help you decide what she needs based on what is preceding her tantrums.) Bach Flower Therapy is harmless and yet powerful enough to bring a raging child back to her pleasant self and keep her there.  So I hope these tips help you find beginning solutions to your daughter's sometimes difficult episodes. All the best,  Sarah Chana

My daughter was also tantrumming and we gave her a consequence for that - we warned her that after a tantrum she would have to sit in a thinking chair for 5 minutes. She didn't mind that because at least she was calm. So we changed it to 10 minutes and then she really DID mind that. So it went like this: something would happen that would tick her off. She would have a fit, throwing things, yelling, saying mean things. When she was FINISHED her fit, we sent her to the thinking chair (in the same room we were in but facing away from us) for 10 minutes. She only had to go to that chair 3 times before her tantrums stopped almost completely.

My son is also very explosive. We read the book by Ross Greene called "The Explosive Child" and it really helped. We learned how to avoid triggering him and that was really important.

My daughter's tantrums cleared up when we changed her diet. We took her to a naturopath who found some food intolerances (wheat and dairy). When we took her off those foods, her behavior really changed. I know that some kids have sensitivities to other foods but when you find out what is bothering them, their mood can really improve. I didn't use this but a friend of mine found help at www.foodintol.com.

It's funny you should mention the food intolerance thing. There was a diet a long way back called the Feingold diet (I think) that showed that food colorings and artificial ingredients can cause behavior problems. I was wondering if anybody has had some experience with that. I was thinking of trying to change my son's diet to see if his behavior would improve.