When kids learn how to chip in and contribute, they grow up to be better spouses. Does your wife want her son to grow up to be a self-centered, unhelpful spouse? If not, what does she think is going to make him any different. The time for training a kid is when he is a kid. If you don't train him to be helpful, you're training him to be unhelpful. My husband is the best - he always offers to help and he gladly roles up his sleeves to do whatever needs to be done. I know how he got to be that way - his mom always expected all of her kids to do whatever needed to be done. I am very grateful to her and I'm trying to raise my kids the same way.

That's all very nice but I know what the wife means when she says that the father is going to cause his son a lot of resentment. My dad was always asking us to run up the stairs or down the stairs to get stuff and do stuff for him and we kids absolutely hated it. We felt like his little slaves. I think kids should have chores and responsibilities but I definitely don't think they should be kid-Fridays and go-fers.

I agree that chores are really important.. My kids have to set the table, load the dishwasher, make their beds and take out the garbage - they rotate tasks so they only have one extra task a day besides making their own bed. Nothing takes longer than 5 minutes. It is certainly not a burden on them and I believe it gives them a sense of responsibility and teamwork. I think they're learning that family members work together in a household. However, I also want them to learn that people help each other just out of kindness. I ask my kids to do things spontaneously as well like "could you please bring me a cup of tea?" or "would you mind getting my glasses for me - they're in the den." I do the same for them! If they say, "Mom - while you're in the storage room could you grab some crackers for me?" I say, "sure!" Or if they say, "Mom, I'm under the covers and don't want to get up. Is there any chance you could bring me my book from the family room?" I say, "no problem." What's the big deal? People who love each other do things for each other.

 agree 100%. People who love each other help each other out. Your wife is stunting your son's development by teaching him to be selfish, just thinking of what he wants and what he needs instead of thinking - "Gosh, Dad does so much for me all the time, I'm happy to be able to do a little thing for him in return."  Honestly, is spending 5 minutes doing something for Dad so unreasonable? Doesn't Dad  go out of his way to do EVERYTHING for his kids? Where's the appreciation here?

I think the problem here is your wife. Why does she have to contradict you in front of your kid? Is she so interested in saving the little guy a few minutes of effort that she doesn't mind ruining her marriage and her son's mental health as he watches his parents fight it out? I think her priorities are way off.

When I was growing up we considered it a privilege to be able to help out our parents. In fact, us kids would actually fight over the right to be the one to do the task. Of course, my parents were very special people - always kind, loving and appreciative of any little thing we did, so it was really easy to get positive attention from them. Maybe your wife feels you are too focused on asking for help and not focused enough on making your son feel good. Maybe if you were warmer to your child, your wife wouldn't try so hard to "protect" the kid from you.