I was sort of like your daughter when I was that age. I didn't gain confidence till I got to college. Then I found myself - my passions, my friends and my success. I went from an average student to an A+ student because I was studying things I was interested in for the first time. I met a wonderful young man who introduced me to his circle of very warm friends and I finally had a social life. I'm just telling you this because maybe there is nothing you need to do or even can do. Maybe your daughter will just grow up and find her way on her own. And I also want you to know that things don't stay the same necessarily - my life changed and your daughter's can change too.

I think that if your daughter lacks confidence you should try to give her opportunities to DO things that she can feel successful at. I read in a book called The Optimistic Child (by Seligman), that kids become confident through their own successes -  not through what their parents say to them. So maybe you can ask her to bake a cake for the family or make part of a main course or something like that so she can discover that she can cook. Or maybe ask her if she wants to learn how to sew - maybe she'd be interested in making her own skirts or something. Sometimes a parent can lead a child to activities that the child doesn't yet know are interesting - drawing, keyboard, life-guarding, collecting something - whatever it is - when your daughter becomes an "expert" in it, it can help her confidence.

It's true that success helps but I think parents can DESTROY a kid's confidence by constant criticism. If a mother thinks her daughter is too insecure and keeps nagging her about it "why don't you do this or that or go here or there" the kid may become even more insecure. Parents need to totally accept their kids' personalities. That can help create security.