Your son is only 4 - so he's allowed to have some poor social skills for a little while longer. Maturity will help as will some patient instruction from you. You are correct in saying that your own upset isn't helpful. To help yourself stay calmer, I suggest that you prepare for his play dates in advance. Anticipate trouble (after all, you are familiar with the types of behavior that he regularly engages in). Then picture yourself intervening in a helpful way. This exercise will program the brain so that when the problems occur, you will be READY to handle them in that helpful way. Try to be aware of how the problems start. Is your son provoking the other child? Why? Is he hungry or over-tired? Is he frustrated? Or perhaps your child is provoked by his friend. Maybe he doesn't know how to handle difficult situations and he needs some instruction and practice. Once you figure out what is going wrong, you can then create a remedial program for him - steps you want to teach him. When his friend has left you can praise some of the appropriate behaviors you noticed (for example, "I like the way you offered him your toy" or "It was nice of you to give him some snacks - you're a good host"). Then talk about difficult spots and suggestions for how to handle things better. Then do a few practice sessions - you acting the role of the "guest" and him practicing the up-graded social skill. The main thing is - don't react in the moment. Rather, use the moment to gather information that will help you actually teach your son what he needs to know.   Sarah Chana