While younger children may be open to the loving advances of a step-parent, older kids and teens usually take MUCH longer to open their hearts. They have suffered a loss, whether through death or divorce. They need to heal from that and also heal their fears of attachment and the potential for future loss. Twelve year olds may not only lack trust but they may also harbor anger at the step-parent for daring to stand in place of the biological parent. Developing a relationship with the step-parent may be construed as betrayal to the child's natural parent. Moreover, the step-parent - like a new sibling - now robs the surviving parent of time and energy. Your new husband must move something over to make time in his life to give you the love and attention you need and guess what gets moved over? The kids. Before you came on the scene, they had him to themselves (or thought they did) and now they must share him with you. This can make older children feel resentful toward you even without knowing you. I suspect you had unrealistic expectations of being able to form a rapid, close bond with these two girls. You are fortunate that the younger one has taken so well to you. However, the older one is behaving in the way that children in her situation normally behave. My advice to you is to continue to be kind but to increase your patience. This young lady may be living with you for another eight or ten years; during this time she will  have an opportunity to learn a great deal from you about love, about marriage, about patience and much more. You will be extremely important in her life. She may not show appreciation or warmth for many years, but if you are a loving step-parent, it is sure to come eventually. You may enjoy a wonderful relationship with her when she is grown and be a truly loving grandparent to her kids. It may not be what you envisioned for now, but it still can be a very warm, positive part of your life in the big picture. So hang in.   Sarah Chana