If you found her birth control pills by tearing apart her room, checking in her drawers and searching in private places - then you are going to have a challenge here. If you found them because they were lying right on top of the bathroom counter, then it will be easy! In this latter situation, just say, "I came across your birth control pills Honey. If you are being sexually active, it's really important to have a full gynecological exam. Did the doctor who prescribed those pills give you an internal exam or refer you to a gynecologist?" In other words, just be matter-of-fact about it. If you can't admit that you intruded on her privacy to find those pills, you could start the conversation a little differently. "Sweetheart, I know a lot of girls your age are sexually active. I just want you to know that when you become sexually active you should make an appointment to see a gynecologist. You can see mine - Dr. White down on 8100 King St. - or you can ask another doctor for a referral - for instance, your school doctor or the walk-in clinic on James St. can provide you with a referral." This way of communicating gives your daughter the information she needs, including the name and address of at least one gynecologist. She can choose to open up to you at this point and admit that she's already become sexually active or she can maintain her privacy but follow up with your advice. There is also the possibility that she will ignore your suggestion. If this girl is almost an adult (i.e. 17 years old and up), there's not much you can do about that. If, however, she is a child (some kids these days are sexually active at 13 or 14 years old), then you can actually start the conversation differently again. Obviously, something made you suspect that the child was being sexually active and that's why you went looking for evidence. It would have been better to have asked her if she was having sex, BEFORE you searched her room. However, you can still take a more direct approach. "I found your birth control pills. I'm glad you're mature enough to take precautions. Which doctor gave you that prescription? Did that doctor give you a full examination? Etc. Then, as the parent of a minor, if you feel she still needs medical attention, you can just say, "We have to arrange for an appointment with a gynecologist."  In all of these scenarios, you also have the option, of course, to discuss the sexual activity if there are concerns you have.  Sarah Chana

That whole approach sucks whats wrong with saying your just not ready for this