Sorry....but I agree with your husband's parenting style. Children should not be given the amount of control you seem to want to give them. You're allowing them to be "set-up" for the future because they will not understand the responsibility they have related to responding to authority when they are young adults. Please....re-think your parently approach.

I agree with both of you for different reasons. I agree with your husband that children need to respect parents and do pretty well what they are asked to do (assuming here, that the parents are normal, benevolent people who love their children). I agree with you that kids should be allowed to decide who touches them, when and how. So I would say that hugs need to be pre-approved by a child, but that most of a child's other behaviors are under the jurisdiction of the parent (i.e. if a parent wants a child to get dressed, do homework, come to the table etc., the child should comply). There is never any need to be disrespectful to anyone, including a child. My book Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice contains many options for gaining a child's cooperation respectfully. Good luck!  
Sarah Chana

I both agree and disagree. I believe as a parent we have the responsibility to teach our children to make their own decisions ( within reason) regardless of their age. How are children supposed to learn without asking why. I am raising my five year old sister and she is a well rounded and responsible child already. When I tell her no I explain why I am saying no and she is ok with it and will no longer do it. The "do as I say, Not as I do" parenting approach is no longer working in today's society. It is time to put that parenting style to rest.