Many parents feel the way you do Francine - they just can't stand to see their kids fighting with each other. It obviously triggers something primal. After all, a parent loves all their kids and feels fiercely protective of each one. If ANYONE was hurting one of your kids, you'd react with a lot of adrenalin, a chemical boost to help you rush in and save your child. The fact that it's the sibling who is doing the hurting doesn't stop this adrenalin rush. In fact, TWO kids are being hurt, so there is even more danger being registered in your brain. So let's say that this explains why you lose control - too much chemistry running through your body. In order to calm down and take care of the sibling issue in front of you, you need to turn that chemistry off (unless, of course, one of the kids is badly injured!). So sit yourself down (this immediately begins to calm the mind and body). Say out loud to your kids, "I am going to calm down now and think about what I'm going to do with you two." Then slow your breathing down by taking deeper, slower breaths for a few minutes (or, as Grandma said, "count to 10 slowly").  Only when you've returned to a normal calm state should you do any parenting - it doesn't matter that the kids are still being mean to each other for a few extra minutes. Once you've calmed down you'll find it pretty easy to pull out an appropriate parenting tool (there are lots in "Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice"). If you handle all episodes of sibling conflict this way, you'll help your kids learn to cooperate with each other more. However, you need to know that siblings take a long time to make peace - sometimes the whole 20 years they're living with you - so you'll need patience. Sibling conflict is a very normal part of growing up, learning how to negotiate intimate relationships, get along with people and all the rest. It takes kids a lot of time to figure it all out and your job is to help them along the best you can.    Sarah Chana