Have you heard of "illogical consequences?" I learned about them in Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice and they have saved my life! I used to waste so much time trying to figure out a logical consequence for a misbehavior - I often gave up and gave no consequence at all. Now I know that I can use any consequence at all, providing it is sufficiently annoying. The book says it should be like a $100.00 speeding ticket - annoying enough to change behavior but not devastating. If I can find a logical consequence that is worth $100.00 I use that first. But if I can't, I no longer rack my brains trying to conjure one up - I just use an illogical consequence instead.

I read the book too and I thought that sticking your tongue out at a parent is a "jail level offense" - not a $100.00 "ticket" (unless the offender was two years old!).  It can still be illogical but it has to be more than annoying. The whole premise is that if you can't do it or say it to a police officer then your child can't do it or say it to you. If you would face jail charges for sticking your tongue out at an officer, your child faces jail as well.

I think if you just explain to your child that his behavior is hurting your feelings, he'll stop doing it. Punishment only makes things worse. Build up a positive relationship with him and then you'll find that his behavior will improve.

I agree that you need to have a positive relationship first. But there is also a place (a small place, as Mrs. Radcliffe says in her 80-20 Rule) for discipline at times. If parents accept gross disrespect from their kids, they are teaching them to accept abuse within relationships. Talking about it is a good first step but if that doesn't solve it, parents definitely need to set firm boundaries with consequences.