Take her to a mental health professional for an assessment. Your kid may have OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). She sounds just like my son of the same age. He did pretty much the same kinds of things and when I was complaining about this to a friend of mine, she told me about OCD. I had never even heard of it. Turns out that this is what my son has and we got onto a treatment program for him. Now our life at home is normal again and he is feeling much better.

My son has a different type of OCD but I just want to concur that diagnosis and treatment is the way to go. My son started freaking out about possible germs on plates, cups, doorknobs and so on. At first we thought he was just being overly concerned. Then we realized that he was really anxious. Those "freak outs" you talk about are actually panic attacks that kids (and adults) have when their OCD rules are about to be broken. The sooner you get help for your child, the easier the cure will be.

I'm a mom with OCD. I wish my parents could have identified my symptoms when I was 9 years old! I know I've always had this disorder but I think my parents just thought I was weird. As a result, I got sicker and sicker. By the time I was a teenager, OCD was interfering with my social life and my schoolwork. Even then, my parents didn't know what was up. It wasn't until I had a sort of "nervous breakdown" that I was finally taken to a doctor who referred us to a mental health clinic where I got my diagnosis and treatment plan. It hasn't been easy - I'm still fighting OCD all the time. I think if it could have been stopped right at the beginning, I would have had a more complete recovery.

I just want to say that even if OCD is discovered later (I was in my late teens when I was diagnosed) a person can still have an excellent recovery. Nowadays especially there are some helpful self-help books, anxiety disorder clinics and OCD specialists. I was fortunate to have a really good doctor and I feel that my OCD is no longer an issue (I'm in my 40's now). The key though - I agree - is diagnosis and treatment. Don't plan on fixing this yourself.

Why does everyone assume this child has OCD? Isn't it possible that she's just a control freak?

It is possible and only a proper assessment from a qualified OCD specialist can reveal the truth. If she's a control freak, then the parents need to intervene one way and if she has OCD then they need to intervene a different way. But there's no way for them to know which it is without a professional assessment.