I can't believe it! I have almost the exact same situation (slightly different ages) and I really feel that you have to teach older children to behave like older children and realize that they will always have to be in a protective role. They were born first and that's just a fact. Everyone has different roles in life. My son has become very protective now so it seems to be working for us.

As an older child myself I know first hand what it feels like to always be blamed for the fighting. I know that my younger brother knew this and would often do something to get me into trouble. I think older kids deserve a better deal! Do you honestly think a ten year old is old enough to be a protector? Isn't that the parent's job?

While it's true that position in family is important and inevitable, there is much that can be done to be aware of the pressures that this can cause and to try and minimize them. Giving children an equal hearing is one way. Even if you feel that your older child is constantly badgering your younger one, it is still important to let both know that you understand why each is behaving the way that they are. Try and understand the frustrations from both sides. They are essentially vying for their "place" in the family and in their experience feel completely justified by their actions. Let them know that you understand what is motivating each of them. Badgering can easily lead to bullying and is unacceptable. Your child has to understand this clearly. Consequences, after you have empathized with their emotional experience will be easier to implement and to accept. If your child has been heard, he will listen more effectively. At the same time don't ignore the role that the younger one has played. Younger children often feel as though they have less power and choose behaviors to suit that need. They are often less "visible" but to an older child can be very annoying. Some examples are - telling on; whining; crying; baiting; etc. Try and be aware of these too (and whether they are manipulations aimed at the older child - not all are) and let both children know that they are unacceptable too. It's a fine line that we walk as parents! Hope this helps.