Punishment is never (in my opinion) a first intervention, no matter how serious the "crime." Your daughter needs a chance to consider better options. Her desire to please you can be enlisted, providing you still have a very positive relationship. Keep in mind that punishment always weakens your position and should be used rarely and carefully. You could start off this particular scenario by expressing your concerns (with no expectation that a 14 yr old will appreciate them). You should also highlight the value of honesty, trust and communication. Let her know that you know she is a wonderful young lady who is trustworthy and that you know she'll remember to call you next time to let you know about any change in plans or she will refrain from doing those things which cause you concern. Leave it at that. If you discover such a behavior again, you can move on to Step 2 (see The 2X-Rule). Repeat what you said before but add a cautionary note that future breaches of trust will result in such & such specific negative consequence - and name that consequence. This means that she'll only get it on the 3rd occasion. A list of consequence categories can be found in Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice. You do not want to be very harsh here because you will lose parenting power rather than gain authority (see the book for details). Only if your daughter continues to disregard your wishes should you become truly concerned and consider enlisting professional guidance to remedy the problem.   Sarah Chana